February 26, 2024

Breaking: Indians Cut Payroll Further With New Team Logo


Announcing yet another cheap-assed measure to cut payroll, Larry, Paul and Matt Dolan held a press conference today to announce that the team will be operating with a new logo for the 2020 season.

“Removing the color from our logo will end up saving us like, five bucks” Larry Dolan reportedly stated.

“If we take out the effort of actually making the logo, we can make sure it best reflects our current attitude towards our roster,” Paul Dolan added.

Where all the rage used to be directed at the franchise’s attitude towards Chief Wahoo and the various people that logo offended, it seems that now the loss of the red coloring from the C has got Clevelanders up in arms.

“I’ve got a friend whose favorite color is red,” one man told reporters. “And because of that, I speak on behalf of the whole city when I say that this is fuckin’ bullshit!”

When asked for his opinion, manager Terry Francona allegedly offered the reporter interviewing him an invite to the team’s minor league camp, citing a lack of major league ready talent and a willingness on the front office’s end to pray to the Baseball Gods for a sudden resurgence from someone totally random. In spite of this, the Indians are still expected to win over 90 games for yet another season.

While it’s a bit later than usual, the Indians seem to be readying up for yet another season of getting crushed by the Yankees and Astros, winning 90 games in the process.

Reportedly, the Dolans plan to erect a statue in honor of Terry Francona’s several successful years as a manager. Whether it’s constructed out of a few paper clips and bits of string or paper mache is unconfirmed.

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